What’s happening? What’s up? Welcome back to me. Took an extended break from writing, not like I had been doing much. I had the worst writers block ever. Or, there were things I went to go write about and just couldn’t get myself to open up further about. This is still taking some getting used to for sure. This is mostly centered about me losing weight and becoming a happier more healthier version myself. The second half of this little adventure of mine hasn’t been easy. I’ve hit my mother effing plateau. I’m at the point where I’m not losing weight, but I am definitely building muscle and losing some inches. At first this was incredibly frustrating, incredibly. So I took a step back and took a good look at myself. How could I not be excited about gaining muscles? I was upset about this? Silly girl! My arms look pretty good, my legs feel great and I can see a difference in my stomach. People are telling me how good I look and I took it with a grain a salt because I was more concern with the numbers on the scale instead of how I actually looked. Now I find myself checking myself out multiple times a day. I can’t help it, now that I’ve seen it, I love looking at the positive changes happening to my body. It’s not the worst thing in the world to take breaks from things you love. Sometimes you have to step away and look at things from a different point of view. You gotta look for the good in all situations.
Obviously I’m into Disney, so the new live action version of Cinderella has got me all kinds of excited. There’s a quote from the movie that I have absolutely been obsessing over…
“Where there is kindness, there is goodness. Where there is goodness, there is magic.”
BOOM! Hearing that was life changing. You can’t get any more positive than that. I was so down on myself the past month. I’ve been working out twice, even three times as hard as I had been in the past. But I am not losing weight, I’m gaining muscle. Which at that time I couldn’t see or notice. So there I was depressed thinking what am I doing wrong. Well, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I can see so much more definition in my muscles, and I’ve lost inches. This whole gaining muscle versus losing weight thing is hard. I want to build muscle but also lose weight, it’s a balancing act that I’m figuring out. Anyways, I was definitely throwing a pity party for one. And, before I continue it should be thrown out there that I am incredibly sensitive. I’m that girl that feels everything. I am just a sensitive, emotionally charged young woman. Every action, every thought, every word out of my mouth has emotion. I’m passionate with my emotions. I’m mad, you better get out of the way; I’m sad, you better have a box of Kleenex ready to go. I’m happy? You best believe I’m dancing. I’m a hundred percent with my emotions, I say it I mean it. So, I was already bumming about the weight thing, then I had some stuff going on with someone in close with. This is something I won’t go into. That relationship is private, that person is private and I would never just put our conversations on blast. I can’t I won’t. But, we were disagreeing about something and it hurt me. I hate disagreeing with loved ones, if we aren’t talking I’m hurting bad. So I was a hot mess. I found myself crying at the drop of a hat. I was frustrated with not losing weight I taking my aggression out loved ones and being incredibly sensitive. I’m sitting in the sauna one night, alone, and started crying as quietly as I could. I was exhausted and just a negative nelly. But, then that quote pops up and I can’t help but to think I’m overreacting to little things. I’m not looking for the good in a situation. I’m jumping straight to the worse thing that I can and allowing myself to get depressed. Cinderella was treated horribly by her Stepmother and Stepsisters. Did you see her hating life and being upset all the time? No! Instead she looked for the kindness in people and the goodness in situations and created her own magic. Why am I not doing the same for myself. I’ve worked hard to get where I am with my body. I can’t just give up and say fuck it. I have to stay positive. Which is always easier said than done. But that’s the goal, stay positive, find magic and take breaks when I need too.
So, break over, I’m back and feeling good and inspired.