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Twenty-Nine

Turning 29, is as every bit of scary as it is exciting. A chapter is truly coming to an end. It is my last year in my twenties and the goal is to end it in the best way I can. In one way or another I have chosen to just live and be more present. I’ve let my depression and anxiety hold me back so much in the past and I can’t let it anymore. Not just because I’m exhausted from the stress that it brings, but because I don’t want my daughter to do the same. She is my mirror, my little shadow. What I do or say she will emulate. Whether it’s something as simple as putting my phone down or taking those few extra minutes to have an actual conversation with the lovely people who make me my coffee every morning. So many of us just let life pass us by. And in hindsight we are all indeed living, we breathe and have blood pumping through our veins. But, it’s more so the actual mindset of living life and truly being present.

The concept to just live wasn’t something I came up with on my own, it’s something I borrowed from Peter Pan. Shocker right? In Chapter 8 of  “Peter and Wendy” by JM Barrie, Barrie is describing Peter’s bravery and that he also at times, despite his bravery, gets scared. At that point a huge smile comes across Peter’s face and he thinks to himself, “to die will be an awfully big adventure”. Peter has this thought because as a boy who has been stuck at a young age, living on Neverland for years, loves the thrill of chasing pirates and the risk that comes along with it. At the end of the films “Hook” & the live action version of “Peter Pan”, both Robin Williams and Jeremy Sumpter deliver the line “to live would be an awfully big adventure”. Though never in the books by Barrie, this quote has become just as famous as any other from his novel. Pan is watching the lost boys being embraced by the Darling Family and realizing that they will grow up and live a new life with new adventures. You quickly see Peter coming to the conclusion that living is the real adventure. But, of course Peter is far too stubborn and will stick to his word to never growing up. When I finally understood that quote and how profound of a thought it was, it stuck with me all these years. It’s held so much meaning to me. Aurora calls me Peter Pan and she’s always been my Tinker Bell. Disneyland is our most obvious version of Neverland. But, in all honesty we are in Neverland anytime we are together. We are almost always in our own little world, on some great adventure. When I had Aurora she gave me back a piece of my soul that had gone on vacation elsewhere. My desire to live and be present grew. That being said, I got that quote tattooed on my arm recently as a late birthday present to myself. It took about two and a half hours, but it was well worth it. It is a beautiful representation of the promise I made to myself a few years ago and it just looks really cool. I got my tattoo done at Electric Oni by Dan who truly deserves all the credit for bringing my idea and design to life. He took a rough sketch that I had brought in for reference and exceeded my expectations. When I went in for my session I was taken back by what he had put in front of me. I was definitely getting a little emotional. I’m so grateful for him and will most certainly get another tattoo from him in the future.

Another gift I am trying to give myself this year is the gift of book’s. My goal for the last year of my twenties is to read more and to have Aurora read more as well. There are so many great books out there and I want immerse myself into them and into the worlds created by the authors. I’m going to do my best with sticking to the classics, but we’ll see where this adventure guides me and what sparks my interest along the way. Aurora and I’s first book was a joint read and of course it was “Peter Pan” by JM Barrie. It was a version adapted for children and excludes some bits and pieces from Barrie’s original, but for Aurora it was good enough. My book for March or rather what’s left of it will again probably come as no surprise to anyone because it is “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien. Aurora has chosen “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland |  Through the Looking Glass” by Lewis Carroll , which I couldn’t be more excited for her to have chosen. It is an incredible journey that Aurora and I are on together, not just through reading but through life as well.

Cheers to another year, mates. xoxo

If any of you have any suggestions for new reads, send them my way.

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