Thoughts

2016, bye.

Twenty-Sixteen is dunzo, door is closed, chapter is over, fat lady has sung. It was an interesting year to say the least. I went back to school and bounced around between two majors that have nothing to do with another, (yay me). I found my love and passion for the gym again after losing it there for a quick second. Crossfit is my new bae (as the kids say) and a huge chapter of my life for the last nine years has ended, even if I didn’t want it too. Shit happens, yeah? But all is good. I don’t necessarily have resolutions for 2017, none of that new year, new me ish. Instead I like to look at the previous year and see what I can do to grow or improve upon. There were so many aspects about 2016 that I loved but they will stay there. If anything I want this year to just be magical. There are so many things I want for myself and my life that I need to stop letting it all pass by and just go for it. This year, without a doubt, will be another year of growth, but in many different ways.

I am beginning my second semester of college in a few weeks and have a bit more of a clearer vision of my path, kind of. I am going to attempt killing two birds with one huge stone, crazy I know. But I can’t stand being in limbo, so YOLO, heres to chasing two dreams at the same time. Walt Disney ran a huge Animation Studio while building Disneyland, I think I can handle chasing two dreams as well. I am actually pretty excited to see how this all will work out and if I can achieve this. I’m not getting any younger over here so it’s time to hustle.
I intend to also grow within Crossfit and challenging myself more. I have made some baby steps, more so the drunken, very wobbly, like just learning how to walk baby steps, but steps none the less. By the way whipping yourself on the arm from attempting double unders is no effing joke. My first few times I ended up whipping myself in the ass, so I never saw the marks, nor did it hurt that bad. But holy cow, I had about 6 marks from the rope a couple of weeks ago and that shit hurt. I have also started using the bands to help me with pull-ups. I really need to stop being a baby about box jumps though, I am just being ridiculous. I know I can do them, its just always scary the first few times. I always think back to high school and basketball freshman year and we had to do jumps onto the bleachers. I thought I was going to shit myself I was so scared, and then I did it and all was fine. Mentally, I just picture myself missing the box and then rolling over the front, because I would be the one to do that. I would totally laugh though, I mean what else am I going to do cry and be THAT girl? No thanks, I’d rather play off my embarrasment by laughing at myself…..and then go home and be that girl to cry and write about it in my journal. So, yeah, get better at Crossfit. The Open is coming up and I am so nervous. Not like I am trying to get into the games, more so for the fact that I will be see where I stack up in comparison to everyone else in the world. Crazy, but really awesome at the same time.
In 2017 I also want it to improve my relationship with food. Not that I have a bad relationship with food at all, I don’t eat my emotions anymore and I have pretty damn good self control.  It’s more so that I need to listen to my body better about what it doesn’t like which is gluten and dairy…huge eye roll, I know. I do not have Celiac’s and I don’t claim to be lactose intolerant but over the last three years I have cut both dairy and gluten as much as I can. So, when I do consume it I get sick to my stomach, which is the worst. All my favorite foods contain gluten and dairy. The quick fix for the dairy is that I could take pills, but that sucks to be honest. I don’t want to pop a pill EVERY single time I eat dairy. Let’s be honest, I would forget. I can barely remember to take my iron pills and biotin every morning (but those smell and taste horrid, I open the bottle and want throw up).  Taking pills in general sucks. Anyways…I suck at this and pretty much all of the time I Hail Mary it and just consume both because I am human and weak. There are awesome alternatives and I utilize them, but restaurants are my downfall. I don’t like being that person, especially when they ask if it is due to an allergy. I need to not be a baby.

Quick recap: School, Crossfit, Food. All easy tasks to improve on, lets be honest. I just need to stay focused. Along with those three items I will be working more on writing and starting a really cool project with my sister and one of our close friends. I am incredibly excited for this project as it is something I have been wanting to do for the last year and try out. Luckily they both were on board with the idea and are just as excited I am. Hopefully in spring we will be rolling out with that project. We’ve been tossing around ideas and starting to put pieces together and I just am so so excited to eventually share that with everyone.

So let the adventure begin.

xoxo

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Happiness…

Well here we are and I am at the end of my second week at school. I don’t hate it yet, which is a really good sign. I am actually enjoying all my classes and teachers as well. My fourth class is a late start, so that has yet to be decided how I feel about it, but I guess I’ll stay optimistic about it.

Thank you, by the way to the people who reached out to me about my previous post, it was greatly appreciated. Like I said, I don’t go looking for attention, if anything I want other people to feel comfortable with themselves and talking about the things that aren’t easy to talk about. I love you amazing, beautiful people.

The world has a crazy way of bringing us bad news and then following those events with lessons. My lessons from the passing of beautiful girl and depression is coming through the way of my English class. Of course, right? Well, anyways our focus is happiness. The first book we are reading from is called the Pursuit of Happiness. The cover is pretty cute, it has a basket full of puppies. Did you get that? A BASKET FULL OF PUPPIES. My teacher wasn’t impressed, but I find it funny, what’s better than a basket full of puppies, think about it. I’d take a basket full of puppies over a cup of coffee or even free tacos. That’s right, I said it, deal with it. Ugh, but really, I want a puppy, I want a golden retriever or lab. Anyways, so the pursuit of happiness. We are all on some sort of pursuit to find happiness and be happy. Me, I always say I’m going to Neverland. That’s my happy place, my thoughtful spot as Pooh Bear puts it. The first essay we read from was an excerpt from “How Happy Are You and Why?” by Sonja Lyumbomirsky. Honestly, it wasn’t my favorite thing to read and I feel like I didn’t get much from it. She focused A LOT on the scientific studies of why we are happy and how scientists try to determine why or why not we are happy. Some scientists believe we are born with the “Happiness Set-Point”. The Happiness Set-Point at birth is 50%, 10% of our happiness will be determined by life circumstances and 40% by Intentional Activity (I.E. what’s under our control). While that is definitely interesting, I’m not very certain that I can back that up 100% or agree with it. I don’t know if being a mom changes how I feel about it, but seeing my baby girl I couldn’t imagine her being born with anything less than 90% for her Happiness Set-Point. Leaving 10% for the other two. So much is out of her control and circumstances are hard to determine. In my opinion at least, but also I am no scientist, so who am I to say. Sonja also discussed how they believe genetics have a lot to do with it as well. They did studies on twins, both identical and fraternal, and no matter what was going on for both in their lives and where they were, they still felt the same about life which was pretty cool.

Celestino Fernandez gave a lecture at SRJC a couple years ago and our first assignment was to watch it and take notes on it. I loved his lecture and what he had to say about happiness and I recommend people to watch it. If, that is, you want some better understanding on happiness and discover that people have been studying happiness since the beginning of time. While he did talk a lot about statistics, he kept reinstating the fact that we have the ability to determine our happiness. We can change our current life circumstances, we can do so many things to help us become happier people. He said and studies have shown that social interaction, going outside, listening to your favorite music, being healthy, it all can lead to happiness. Fact, unhappy people watch 20% more television than the average people. Now, I know Netflix is changing the game a bit and we all have a binge day. But, what they are getting at is people who sit inside in front of a television for hours, every day, with no social interaction and don’t go outside and enjoy nature are unhappy. If you know me I completely agree that people change their intention activity. Circumstances can be hard to change, but they can be for sure to an extent of course. It took me a very long time to accept my demons and find my Neverland. So when I am around people complaining about mundane things or things that are easily fixed or attainable I get so irritated. Life is there and ours for the taking and some people just let it waste away, how awful.

I was 205 pounds people, I am the last person you want to tell that it’s hard to lose weight. I lost 45 pounds don’t tell me how hard it is, I know very well how hard it is…but I also know how fucking easy it is. I had someone who I love very much come to me and ask me for advice and that made me so happy. It’s not easy coming to terms and saying I want to make a change and asking people for help. That doesn’t make me irate, it’s when people talk about it and do absolutely nothing. Don’t be a “DNB” (do nothing bitch) as Ronda Rousey so kindly puts it. Don’t tell the single mom who was working full time that you don’t have time to work out. Don’t tell the woman who has two mouth to feed that’s it hard to buy, eat, and cook healthy food. I’ll give everyone that it is hard to cut out foods, but it’s totally do-able. And please don’t blame it on your heritage. I’m Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. My favorite foods consist of Italian and Spanish faire. I could eat tacos and pizza all day. It is so easy to make alternatives and it inspires me when my friends find healthy twists on some of my favorite foods. My sister, is a smoothie master and so incredibly good about drinking green tea. I try to get on her level, but I’m not there yet. Green Tea is taking some time for me to adjust to since I am not normally a tea drinker, but I’m getting there. My girl Jenna has been feeding me delicious and bomb-ass soups. Soup is so versatile and you can literally throw anything it and she does. Goddamn does she make soup like a goddess ha. Seriously though you can throw anything in a soup, like kale. Oh my god, kale in soup is so good and a great way to enjoy it if the taste is way too intense for you. Kate, makes sweet potato tacos and zoodles like a goddamn boss. Her spiralizing and cooking skills are out of this world. Momma Jenna & Kate, I’m hungry now! Ha-ha. Also when it comes to substituting foods, it is hard at first but you have to stick with it. When I first started taking away dairy for my diet (and diet as in what I eat on a normal basis, not diet for losing weight purposes) and my coffee drinks, it took a good 2-3 weeks before soy tasted semi normal. You can’t try something once or twice and then give up, did you give up riding a bike or tying your shoes because it didn’t click the first two times? No. Now you are, hopefully, a bike riding and shoe tying boss. Now I have switched to almond milk and find soy too sweet. Your taste buds and stomach will and do adjust, you just have to give it time. You put time into so many aspects of your life, your friends, family, and school. So I can’t wrap my mind around the thought of people not putting or taking the time to look at what they eat and see what changes they can make to be healthier all around.

The topic of being healthy came up a lot in the happiness discussion and I can back that up 100%. Not so much because I have lost weight, but because my overall health has improved. I have a healthier mind and look at my curves and love the shit out of them. I’ve grown to love my thick thighs and calves. I may not love my stomach, but I still appreciate my body because of the hard work I put into it. When you work incredibly hard at something the end results are so much better and satisfactory. You’ve pushed yourself further then you thought you could and pushed your body to do things you didn’t think it was capable of doing. Your body is a like a car, you have to take care of it or else you’ll run it straight to the ground. Even with my four year old, I have so much more energy than I did in high school. I honestly could sit here and talk about health has become such a part of my journey to being a much happier person and how it has helped fight my demons, but then I might really start to bore you. But either way, find your happiness people. It’s out there, it just isn’t going to come to you out of thin air.

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Back at it…again

When I first started this blog, I honestly had no clue as to what direction I wanted to go in. I didn’t necessarily want to create a fitness blog, nor a fashion blog and the title of lifestyle blog is too intimidating. So whenever it came time to write, I didn’t know what to write about. I have so much going on in my life. I feel that my best writing is always that of how I feel. But, do I want everyone knowing what is going on in my life? Not really and that’s hard because I’m a storyteller, once I start talking about something I can’t stop. That’s usually why I try to keep quiet, my thoughts are all over the place. Plus I always think, who wants to read all of my random crap about stuff that they may not care about? Throwing that out the window is hard. No one wants to be judged, but learning about yourself and making yourself a stronger person means doing things that make you uncomfortable. And my goal is to always be the best version of myself, a strong young woman, confident and not scared of the future. Which, let’s be honest the future is scary. The great unknown.

Recently my journey went in a different direction then I had planned it to, kind of. I always talked about going back to school and have tried to go back. But, at the last-minute I back out. A lot was fear, time, and not feeling ready to add-on more responsibilities to my ever-growing plate. Things at work were on a train that was non stop. So much was going on and I wasn’t sure how long I wanted to be there for it and at 26 did I really want to make this my life? No, I didn’t. Like any breakup, it was sudden and in a way not planned. I didn’t walk away on my terms and I will just say that much. I am heartbroken to be putting behind me three and a half years of laughs, awesome people and some tears. I did so much growing up there and met some of my best friends and will be forever thankful for that. But, my plan to go back to school in 2016 is fast becoming a reality because of it. I have no excuse now but to go back and I am. I am freaking out, I have been out of school for 8 years people. Eight years, it’s definitely like learning to ride a bike….again. Placement tests, counselors? It’s all getting real. I have three and a half months and it’ll be here. But I am excited for it. No one is ever too old to chase their dreams or should feel that they missed their chance. At least, I would like to think so. So here I am at the age of twenty-six going back to school.

This time off though that I have had the last 3 weeks has been pretty amazing. I have gotten to spend more time with Aurora and just hang out. Having a total of three jobs was a lot, but I was keeping busy and didn’t have time to think about anything other than work and when I would get sleep. In turn though, I was missing out on adventures with Aurora. She is growing so fast and is so smart, the amount of information her little 3-year-old brain retains is simply amazing. Also in that time I have had time to do some soul-searching. Where do I want my journey to take me? Where do I see myself in a couple of years? What do I want to do with my life? It’s all so exciting. I have also found that I love writing my thoughts and sharing them through this medium or even through Instagram and I definitely want to get more serious about it. I have no excuse anymore. I think coming to terms that I don’t have to write about one topic in particular will open the doors for me to write more and not worry so much. So please, stay on the look out for weekly posts. God only knows what my future holds and as my journey continues I’m sure I’ll have more stories to tell and hope that you enjoy them.

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