Get Healthy, Health and Fitness, Thoughts

Let’s just pretend like I have my shit together | September 28th, 2017

Well, hello. It’s been a while, eh? Typical Brooke fashion, for sure, like for-sursies (there’s my college education going to work right there). My plate is full, my cup is constantly runneth-ing over, and life is good. The bad is never actually that bad and is typically things I can easily brush off or just sweep under the rug and leave them to be dealt with later, if I remember. I mean, between raising a human being, both of us being in school and starting a new job I don’t have time for anything that is not serving my life in a positive way. And guys, I’ve gotten so much better about not giving a shit, it’s amazing. I’m letting go of things and situations and just not allowing them to take up like 80% of my life anymore. I have always been and will most likely continue to put other people’s needs and happiness before my own. It’s one of my charming qualities. I will always look for the best in people and want them to be happy no matter what the situation is. And, honestly when you get to a point where you realize that maybe this person or a situation doesn’t even know what will make them happy or what road to take to be happy (without them saying it outright of course), you just have to back off and let someone else take the steering wheel. So here I am getting my Carrie Underwood on and letting Jesus take the wheel. Let’s be honest, I’m a mom and always have that part of my brain on. I want the people I care about to be happy and to live the best life they possibly can and to see all the potential they have. And for everyone to just be fucking nice to one another. I just have a lot of feelings, okay?

So I am now in my third semester back at school and it is going swimmingly. Like the kind of swimming where you’re good, then get a cramp and have that quick flash of where you think you’re drowning. There have been a lot of long and sleepless nights. But, I love all of my classes and my teachers. I have all female teachers and they are all amazing in their own ways. It sounds terrible, but I have yet to find a male teacher that is not a complete asshole or narcissistic douche and made me want to actually stay in their class. My female teachers have all been so badass and motivating, the keep me going. My psych teacher was the worst last year, so bad that I actually dropped the class. I think going forward my goal will be to have my all of my teachers and professors be female for the rest of my academic career. I mean, unless someone knows a guy, then I will take a friendly suggestion. Little miss is also in school and has started Kindergarten. Which, how crazy is that? I have a child in Kindergarten. I never once imagined that I would be in school at the same time as one of own. Aurora is loving it, of course. If you know my child, she is so the opposite of me and actually loves school and looks forward to it. I am definitely going to keep that train going for as long as I can. But, she is also feeling the repercussions of being in school five days a week, for seven hours a day. I am pretty sure this is the most exhausted I have seen my girl. But, again, she is so happy. My favorite part of my days when I have school is when I’m done for the day and I go pick her up and we go do our homework together. My heart is so content and it motivates me so much more to have her by my side. I mean talk about a constant reminder of why I am doing what I am doing. She’s the best and it’s almost gross how much I love her and am obsessed with her, as a mother should be with her child. Talk about being domesticated, in some form, I’ll be cooking dinner and Aurora is at the table doing homework and asking me questions and I fucking love it. Every stress I have goes away in those moments because we have a great life and we are so blessed that we even get to do that. I love us, our life, everything.

Our time together has just become that much more important because, for one, half of the week she is with her dad and secondly I did start a new job that is time consuming in all of the best ways. My mornings start very early, in regards to waking up and then dropping of Ro at school. I tend to get home 12-13 hours which is what is making things difficult but we are starting to get into a rhythm and have a better sense of our schedule and how things will work out. Which, thank god. I have not worked out or been to Crossfit in two months. My priorities have had to shift and unfortunately that took the brunt of it. A lot of my priorities have had to change due to life and all the changes that have occurred. Some of those changes were to my education and the path I am on. Which, for those of you who don’t know I am making my way towards being a nurse. I had to make the hardest decision when it came to school and what made the most sense for my life and where it is right now. I am still 100% in love with fashion and all things product development and FIDM. But, it is currently going on the back burner until I can fully devote myself to it. It was such a heartbreaking decision to make too. My counselor looked at me and dead in the eye and told me I had to make up my mind, in the nicest of ways of course. And I had to do some deep soul searching, as I having been doing a lot of the last two-three months. What it all came down to was that my passion is helping people and I love children. So, for now, that is my focus and I have a long road ahead. I still question if I am making the right decision, but for now it feels like the right decision for me.

So here I am, slowly getting my life back together.

Advertisements
Standard
Gardening

May 18th | Adventures in Gardening

Crazy weather aside, Spring is here and Summer is coming. Aurora and I have been working hard in our little garden. Every week we are adding more to it and having so much fun working on it together. Last year I didn’t have my expectations incredibly high which left us both pleasantly surprised by how successful some of our plants were. Our Spaghetti Squash gave us the biggest yield followed by our Butternut Squash and Grape Tomatoes. We had purchased six strawberry plants and got very little fruit, but that was to be expected as the plants were small. From doing my research as well, strawberries will have a higher yield each year as they grow. Our watermelon and eggplant seeds didn’t catch nor did the fruit grow very large. Again, no disappointment on our end because we didn’t expect much. Last year we also completed, with the help of Auntie Jenn, building a fire pit in the backyard. So, it was a good trial run for us as we work on our garden and fixing up the yard in whole.

This year though, we have big, big plans and have been slowly chipping away at them. We both have more confidence and are feeling a little more in tuned with the soil and what we needed to do to improve it and the surrounding area. Our strawberry plants lasted through the winter, which was incredible because I did not pay any attention to them other than pulling old leaves out whenever I noticed. So far, we’ve picked 16 strawberries this week over the course of two days as they become ripe. I let Aurora snack on all of them and she said they were sweet, so I will take her word for it. In our huge planters in the front and back yard we’ve planted

  • Spaghetti Squash
  • Butternut Squash
  • Watermelon
  • Pumpkins
  • Cauliflower
  • Green Bell Peppers
  • Jalapenos
  • Carrots
  • Green Peas
  • Green Beans
  • Eggplant
  • Tomatoes: Grape, Roma, Heirloom Brandywine
  • Basil
  • Mint

Seems like a lot, but we have the space for everything. Some of the smaller plants are in table top planter’s since they require such little space. Most of the items are trial runs to see how they do. The squash group I know does well in our soil and have been growing at a pretty good rate, same with the tomatoes, basil and mint. Which by the way basil, mint and tomatoes are so easy and you can trim stems off the plant, toss it in a cup of water and they will sprout roots and you have a new plant to place in the garden. How cool is that? I’ve done this for my mint and basil and I have so many healthy plants that were free. Thanks to Pinterest I found out you could do the same process with tomatoes and am trying it out with the Roma’s, so fingers crossed that works out. Everything from the Cauliflower down to Eggplant is all new pretty much and it’s exciting to see how well some of them are doing while others are just taking their sweet time and really testing my patience. Thanks to the birds we also have random blackberry bushes all around the property and I personally can’t wait for those to be ripe so I can make so jam. It’s the simple things guys, I’m telling you it doesn’t take much to make me feel content and happy.

At the beginning of spring I added some bags of compost and manure to our soil, mixed it in and let it sit for a couple of weeks before adding any plants. Aurora and I also dry out egg shells and blend them up to toss around our plants to get extra nutrients as well as used coffee grounds. Most of the tricks are a huge part to Pinterest and the rest of the credit goes to my Uncles Joe & Johnny. Which, they learned everything they know from my Grandparents, who had gardens for as long as I could remember. My Uncle Johnny owns a nursery in Fort Bragg and is incredibly talented. His nursery and home garden are both so magical and he is amazing at what he does. Same goes for my Uncle Joey, all my memories of Joey growing up will always include him sitting, drinking a bud light and playing guitar and gardening. He builds all his own arbors and I am so envious. His garden this year is insane and I am very thankfully for his patience while I ask a million questions. He also inspired me to cut down some branches that were beginning to cover Aurora and I’s garden. Joey had purchased this rope chain and he let me borrow it. You’re definitely not supposed to do it alone because you need a good angle on either wide to get a clean cut. Ha, yeah no, I did it alone and took down 6 branches so far. It was AWESOME and we got some firewood out of it. Win-win situation.

Aurora loves going to Friedman’s and I think we spend at least an hour there every Sunday browsing around, as we are looking to plant more flowers to attract some bees to assist with some of our vegetables and fruits. I love hydrangeas and would love to have a huge garden full of them and dahlias and bougainvillea. Oh, and lots of roses! So that’s also why we go so frequently so we can start pricing things out and then mapping it all out at home. And, of course, we always end up with a new little garden toy. They sell these really pretty decorative garden stakes, we have four now I believe. The fourth one came from a trip to Dollar Tree though, it is shaped like a flower, spins and is pink, so how could Aurora not want it? We also purchased a wind chime at Friedman’s which Aurora has become completely obsessed with! I have to keep our bedroom window open when we are home so she can hear it any time the wind blows. And the same should be said about our hummingbird feeder, we haven’t been able to spot one yet but I hope we get to soon. It’s really sweet how involved she wants to be and how much she loves our time spent outside.

I’ve posted links below to the stepping stone kit Aurora and I were given and I also provided a link to the ones I found at Michaels. The one Aurora and I made is very simple, you just need a bucket to mix it in and some water. Again, I did purchase additional glass gems, but you don’t need to if you don’t want.

xoxo

Kid’s Stepping Stone Kit

Michael’s Mosaic Stepping Stone Kit

 

IMG_0697IMG_0770IMG_0833IMG_1193IMG_1194IMG_1293

 

Standard
Thoughts

May 15th, 2017 | Mother’s Day Reflections

One of the reasons I am a momma and get to celebrate and in a sense, be celebrated on Mother’s Day is because of Aurora. I am thankful to my first-born, first of her name, blood of my blood, breaker of chains, mother of…sorry (but not really).

Where do I begin really? I don’t think that it is any surprise how much I love my daughter and how appreciative I am that she is mine. She has brought so much joy and happiness to my life. I am thankful for Aurora, simply for herself and for choosing me as her mom. We were meant to be and it is as clear as day that our souls and hearts are VERY connected. We feel each other’s emotions and feed off of them. She changed my life even before she was in my arms. She changed my life the day that little screen showed two lines. It changed the day that I was told I was carrying a little girl. Without even knowing it she mended a piece of my heart that had been broken for so long. I feel complete when she is near. Aurora makes me laugh, cry, frustrated, laugh, smile, scared, did I mention she makes me laugh? I enjoy our adventures at Crossfit and going to Dutch Brothers and discussing her…admiration…of her boyfriend’s when we get back in the car. I love our time spent in our garden, even when I end up doing all the work because little girl wants to ride her scooter. Her enthusiasm to learn is contagious, whether its cooking, practicing spelling, or attempting to tie her shoes. I adore the fact that she is all about school and will take it upon herself to grab her workbooks and do her “homework”. She will go sit at her table and work at her numbers and alphabets and it makes my heart so happy. I hope she never loses that love, because I certainly did not love homework in any way when I was younger. All the mundane every day nonsense is so much more magical because she makes it that way. Driving in the car would be and is so much more boring without her singing and asking a million questions. I wish I slow down time so she didn’t have to grow up so fast. Now, Aurora is not perfect and I will always be the first to admit that. She definitely has her moments, but even in those moments I love her just the same. I know she’s not always going to listen to me, but as long as the lesson is learned and there’s no blood spilt or trips to the ER, again, we’re all good. I love that girl to infinity and beyond, she’s the Rory to my Loralei, the Moana to my Tefiti and the Tinkerbell to my Peter Pan. Off to Neverland we shall go sweet girl.

Being Aurora’s mom is a gift and she is a gift that I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for my first love, her father. I wouldn’t be a mother without him. Now, I don’t ever write about Aurora’s dad and this will probably be the only time that I do. It is simply too hard for me and too emotional, and who likes feelings? Just kidding, of course everyone likes having feelings. There have never been the right words or enough words to describe the love I have for that man. Even through our hard times that pushed me to take a step back from us, I loved him with all my heart. He has been there for me and supported me in ways no one else did. No one loved me like he did and no one fought past my wall more than him. That’s my heart and soul right there (too bad it took me three years to have the strength to say that). Yesterday would have been our six-year wedding anniversary. (Oh, the rush of emotions that just came over). If it wasn’t for our love for one another Aurora would not be here. The world we live in would be a little less bright, I can’t even begin to imagine a world where she does exist. She was made from a love and friendship that we shared for one another. Kenny was my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend and husband. I called him practically every day that we were apart, even when it had nothing to do with Aurora. For the past three year’s I would go see him at work and kept him in my life, because I also couldn’t imagine a world where he wasn’t in my life everyday. We would go do family outings and go to Disneyland, the one place I haven’t been able to go to just yet. That was our first trip together and a special place for us that we then shared with Aurora. When I think of Disneyland, I think of him. My heart was ready for us, but there was always that wall in the back of my mind. That stupid fucking wall (hate that wall). The trust wall, I was so afraid of getting hurt again but, there came the turning point where I didn’t care and I knew I’d take the bad days and fight through it, because he was always going to be worth walking on fire and through the storm for and he always will be. Where we are in life doesn’t change those feelings for me. I will always love him, there’s a place in my heart that is his, always. To say any different would be complete lie, and I’ve learned I have embrace that and not shy away frm that truth. He got me out of my dark places and gifted me with his love and with Aurora. There will no bigger mistake or greater lesson learned than to never wait or hold back. We shared so many beautiful years together and made one beautiful little girl. I will forever be grateful to him and admire his strength and love for our daughter. He gave me the greatest gift anyone could give me.

…to infinity and beyond, always.

Also, I wouldn’t even be on this earth if it wasn’t for my own mother, always fighting and being strong. To that I should thank her as well. My mom’s unconditional love is appreciated much more than I tell her. Which, I should probably work on that. She went through so much to have my siblings and I. Her emotional strength is unmatched and her love for is so strong. She is goals in so many ways and I hope to as good as mom to Aurora as she has been to us.

 

xoxo

 

Standard